the M word.

mountian?
no.
mask?
no.
mudpie?
i wish, but no.

motherhood.

last night we (mom, ty, wade myslef) went to justin hackworth reception for his 30 strangers in 30 days that we participated in. and while there, there was a few speakers, reading essays on motherhood and their expiriences.
one lady, i wish i remembered her name..but im pretty sure i can find out, hold on..... Molly Bice Jackson. there. anyways...she read a beautifully, honest essay on her expiriences. she started out explaining how when she was on her mission, she realized that you cannot just tell an investigator "it's true" "believe me" "just listen to me" " iknow it" because it's like putting a pair of your perscription glasses on their eyes. it's not going to work. how we walk around with a pair of specs, each specified to our lives, and no one has the exact same perscription as you. she goes on to say that the minute she had her first little girl, Lucy, a new pair of glasses was placed on her eyes, and it was a blurry mess. she couldn't see out of them clearly, for a long time. but with time, her eyes adjusted, and things become clear. even more clear than the ones she wore prior. and then 1 year later, as her and her family were walking out of church, her sweet daughter choked on a piece of apple. even though she was surrounded by capapble people within seconds, they couldn't get the logged piece of apple removed. after going 20 minutes without oxygen, she suffered severe brain damage, and died 4 sleepless nights later.
she said at that moment, a new pair of glasses were placed on her eyes. grief glasses. and she litterally couldn't see the ground beneath her feet, for a long, long time. but like the pair before, with time, her eyes have adjusted. she still goes into get them "readjusted" through therapy and other things, and friends and family wipe away tear stained smudges and fingerprints from time to time, but, she now sees clearer, and has her earthly sight, and eternal vision.

i loved her analogy of glasses to our lives. it's true, isn't it? it seems like, as soon as we get comfortable with a pair of glasses, it's time for an adjustment. i think that keeps us growing. i can really relate to this. i went from fresh from highschool to wife to mother all 2 years. (just over) i remember so clearly the minute i said "yes" over the alter a new pair of glasses being placed over my eyes...and it was blurry. realizing that i now was a wife. i was an adult, for reals, was..new. but ilearned. i eventually could see perfectly clear out of those specs. and then..i had lynley. and those glasses were strong. very strong. it was like even though i couldn't see out of them, lynley needed me, so i'd just operate on "auto" and things got done. she got fed at 2 am, that poopy diaper got changed, she got bathed for the 3rd time that day due to spit up and who knows what else. and then..with time..i have somehow learned to see through these glasses called motherhood. and i see beautiful things, everyday. as lynley gets older (and wiser to!) my glasses change slightly..tantrums in stores..potty training..weening of bottles..talking..growing up really, each stage, i have to relearn how to see out of my motherhood specs. and each time..i grow and become a better mother.

i am greatful for this beautiful thing that is motherhood.
no matter how hard, or how trying.
i was born to do this.