a post not for my blogbook.

i don't get too deep here as often as i used to..
maybe it's because i feel like i am always already half full, on any given day, about the most trivial things, like, lynley finding, naming, and building a nest for a rolly polly bug.

i am on the top of the pregnancy hormones scale at the moment..and so, i am afraid, that if i start to go "there"..oh boy. it'll be like a dam overflowing.

but maybe if i just uncheck the box on this post when i make my yearly blog book (which are 15%off right now!) i can go "there" and no one will be too damaged in the process?

not very often to i read a blog and think, "oh, how inspiring!" or "look! a real person!" haha mostly its like "how fake." or "no one cares" and "why am i still reading this?"

but i read a post today, and i loved it. this girl can write. and she summed up a subject that has been on my mind like crazy lately, a subject that i actually do have something real to say about.

about, doing things in life with purpose. and not apologizing to anyone for doing it.

i feel like, i have come into this new phase in life..where i do things, because it is what i want to do. and then i don't feel guilty about it!

i buy white bread, and feed lynley PB&J for lunch on that soft, fluffy white bread. no, it is not healthy for her. but guess what!? i am not going to apologize to anyone for not forcing 100% whole wheat whole bran bread with almond butter and some homemade all organic jam down her throat. i am her mama, and i take into account what she's eating overall. 

i choose not to feel guilty about it. 

i let my child watch cartoons in the morning so i can clean my house. i like my house clean. do cartoons rot our childrens brains? probably! but, you know what, i like my house clean, and, so i let her veg out while i clean. it makes me feel good. and once agian, i do not feel a need to apologize to society, or that i am being a terrible mother because my whole day doesn't revolve around homemade crafts. i am still a dang good mom..with a clean house. and with the tv on.

i also let her veg while i run. "how dare you let your daughter not only watch tv! but! to entertain her while you do selfish tihngs like run or clean!?!?" lol

here's the thing i have come to realize: actually, all the people you're trying to impress by doing or not doing certain things, all the judging you are trying to avoid..IS IN YOUR HEAD. in reality..in general..no one cares. and if they do care..usually they're the type of people who will only talk about it behind your back, so let them! and be done with them!

it feels so good to live on purpose. to fill my days with things that matter to me and my family. to do things for me and lynley and tyler, not to please or impress anyone else. and it feels good at the end of the day to not beat myself up over anything, to feel good about myself, white bread or not.