Right now.

It amazing how you forget how all encompassing growing a human is. Every contraction (having one right this second) every kick to the cervix (breech baby here) every pang, every pinch, that throbbing feeling you know where that makes every step miserable. It's no wonder that last 4 weeks it's hard to focus or think about anything else. 

Not to mention the mood swings. Oh these mood swings are rocking my world this pregnancy. One second I am content trying to breathe through the current ouchy, the next I am near tears because of no good reason, or on the verge of absolute rage, once again, no apparent reason. Or how about that compulsive need to clean out and organize the fridge for the 3rd time that day? That one.. That one is actually pretty productive (the first time) my poor family. From 7-10 pm just like, get away from me. I'm a monster. Laughing, crying, clenching my teeth. Ya. Fun times. 

Now. There's all that. And this time around I have this little ball of anxiety I constantly hanging around because of this baby deciding she doesn't want to be upside down.. And prefers the breech way. So.. I'm left to wonder if she will turn, when she will turn, what route to go if she does, or doesn't. Acupuncture. Chiropractor. Head stands. Butt lifts while doing head stands. Having a dr push and twist on my belly making me squirm in complete agony (I watched a YouTube video... It made me sick) I can't even talk about that c section option right now. 

ALSO! Lets not forget that my firstborn is starting all day kindergarten in a week. This too is a subject that I can't really talk about. I want to cry. And cheer. And sit and stare off into space. I cannot imagine what our day is going to look like without her here all day. I think we're gonna be out of our minds bored. But my house may be cleaner? We met her teacher tonight and got the rundown on her soon to be daily routine. All about homework folders and behavioral charts, consequences, lunch, recess, reading charts, standardized testing, bus routes, school supplies... And I'm forgetting a bunch even I know it. Crossing my fingers, and praying constantly that the adjustment will be an easy one for us all. That she will shine bright, be the amazing girl that I know she is. 

Okay. Now is the time of night where my baby (Callie) wants to lay on top of me (my belly) and smother me in slobbery (snotty) kisses until bath time. Where I beg Tyler to do baths because it hurts like hell to kneel and bend and scrub hair and lift out into towels. He will probably start said bath... And I'll probably finish it while he gets distracted doing something he's wanted to research all day. And then we will say prayers (hopefully I'm not crying by this point already over nothing) and then bed for cal, and a chapter in Ella enchanted for lyn and then ill crawl my pregnant butt into bed and try hard not to go batty with raging hormones til I can fall asleep. 

I think someday that I will miss this day. this day in our tiny rental, with these tiny girls. I think that I will remember it shiny and easy.. And sweet. 

I bet ill even wish for it back.