how is this baby ONE?!?
i have a lot to type here for miss ells bells to read someday about her first year of life.
Elaine J,
elle. my doctor wanted to induce me 2 weeks early. but.. grandma caspers health was declining, fast, and we thought that maybe, she might pass soon. i couldn't fathom having a newborn yet. so i told him, no. i need another week. she needs another week in there. my blood pressure was through the roof with all the stresses going on. your uncle jake was right in the thick of cancer. we were just learning what that word meant. we couldn't even imagine what it would mean. i cried a lot. i felt really confused about life.
about.. 8 days before you were born, dad and i went to say goodbye to grandma. we were alone with her in the room, and she was shaking very badly. her whole tiny frail body was just, shaking. dad went out of the room to get his siblings on the phone, and i knelt by your great grandma's bed and held her hand. she turned her head slightly and looked at me. i had the impression, to just talk to her. that just because she couldn't communicate back, didn't mean she wasnt' the same person. so i started talking. i told her that you were close to being born... and that we were going to name you Elaine, just like grandma had wanted.. and.. while her eyes were locked on mine, she stopped shaking. her frail body semi relaxed and we just kept eye contact for a long time while i put her hand on my belly and told her again, baby elaine was coming soon. that was the last time i saw grandma casper. she passed away 3 days later in her home surrounded by her children.
i like to think that you and her spent 5 days together before you were born. and i often feel her around our family.. i really do. it's the first time in my life where i feel a guardian angel around us.
Uncle Jacob was getting ready to go into massive surgery the day before you were born. i was a wreck. i was crying a lot. it was grandma's funeral day. my heart was SO heavy. i couldn't put all of these emotions anywhere, and i was just so sad. i wanted to crawl into bed and not get up. i was also missing my mom. so much. i was just so sad that she wasn't going to be able to be there when you were born, and for the heavy heavy load she was carrying as well.
after you were born (such an amazing birth! i will treasure it always!) we knew you were to be named Elaine. but.. a middle name.. of course Jacob was on my mind as he was coming out of anesthesia, and the long uncertain road ahead, so dad and i thought we could give you J for Jacob for your middle name. i think it really lifted his spirits. and i felt very close to him, even though i was so far away.
you have a special name. two people in our lives that we love so much, and have made a major impact on our family. two people that i hope you always strive to be like!
throughout the entire last year, you have just naturally brought our family this sweet spirit. in times of turmoil, distress, confusion and despair, you were there, smiling. happy. you brought new life and hope to us all! thank you for that. and with the craziness that has been building our new home.. you have been so good, going with the flow! you have spent many hours in the playpin quietly happily playing with toys while we worked hard to finish the house.
just a joy to have!
you have four teeth
you love bottles
you love to be outside
your not afraid of cats, vacuums, or much of anything
you love to pull your sisters hair
you LOVE to be lightly tickled, your back, head, arms, whereever
you hate to get your diaper changed. ahhhh!
or to be dressed\
you are so easy going
you like to be in the car
you like sweet potatoes, and human food. NOT BABY FOOD
youre not walking, but you can stand on your own
you have blue blue blue eyes and curly hair
you like to clap
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