school.

when we first moved here.. i had major concerns about the schools that my kids would be attending. the thought of lynley going to kinder come september gave me full on anxiety. i felt like.. she deserved better. better teachers. better classmates. a shorter bus ride. and truthfully.. a better/newer classroom/school.

i had this.. sense of entitlement... that because of the main demographic of our elementary school, it was not good enough for my kids. i found myself thinking, "my kid deserves better, because she's not just there for free food! GRR!"

i felt for sure, that if i was a decent mother at all i would be prepping for homeschool... except i always found myself in this unsolvable puzzle.. where the pieces didnt' fit. because i do not want to homeschool. i applaude moms who do! i just know my limits. and i do not think for one second i could offer lynley a grade A education.

i decided i needed to pray about all this. my heart was feeling overwhelmed and confused.

one day.. lynley told me "those mexicans"... i cringed. i followed lynley's lead. she naturally doesn't care if you can speak english or not. if you are kid, you are her friend. we started singing the primary song.. "if you dont talk like most people do, some people talk and laugh at you, but i won't, i won't. i'll walk with you, i'll talk with you, that's how i 'll show my love for you..."

slowly God changed my heart. just the other day someone asked me, "so, is lynley going to Basin City Elementary?"  and i replied "yes". no anxiety, embarrassment, or cringing attatched to that yes.

my kid actually deserves exactly what every other kid in this community deserves. what a beautfiul thing about living in such a great country.. that if innocent children don't have food in their homes, or their parents cant afford to buy food for them, they can go to a school and be fed. physically, mentally, and socially!

my heart changed.. they are all just kids. all Gods children.
and then what my original "saving grace" turned into my biggest problem of all!

from kinder-2nd or 3rd grade they seperate the classes into english speaking and spanish speaking. (one english, 2 spanish classes for kinder) this just drives me crazy! it feels totally backwards. i want lynley to be going to school with her peers, all of them, reguardless of language, ethnicity, demographic whatever from day 1. i feel like the segregation has to create huge, lasting barriers between the "enlgish & spanish" as they are categorized. the kindergartners are there full-day. i am thinking that there is plenty of time to do a language-immersion for all of the kids. maybe seperate for certain subjects? there has to be a better way.. then seperating them completely all day long.

kids are kids. they wouldn't seperate themselves. we teach them. they will stick with who they know. how are they going to know 2/3's of their peers?!

anyways, that's a whole different debate i am sure.

i am just thankful that my heart was softened. the world needs people like lynley. she has the light of Christ so bright within her.. i am not going to be able to protect her from the world.. not in this day and age. the world needs her. my anxiety and entitlement has been replaced with love and excitement for my baby girl to spread her wings and be the person that she is. surrounded by other kids, from all different backgrounds and homes.

this little phrase that i thought was the cheesiest thing ever as a teenager.. means something to me as i am watching my baby girl with that crazy curly hair grow up..

"why blend in, when you were born to stand out"