watch/listen
so, have you ever been having an off day? i do all the time.
and have you ever been driving on that particular day, and your just mixed up. you want to cry, lay on the horn, scream, melt into a ball and eat chocolate all day. and all of a sudden a song comes on the radio that you forgot was even on youre so wrapped up in your crazy thoughts, and the song just stops you in your tracks?
well this above thing happened to me.
you see, our little family of three hardly is ever all together. its either me and lyn, or me and mr casper. or me alone. or mr casper alone. (we don't make a practice of leaving our baby alone) (although sometimes i feel like it.) (you know to have a minute alone with the husband.) (but like i said, it's not something that i'm capable of doing) (she's just too darn cute)
because the head of the household is so freaking busy. all the time. why you may ask? because he's trying to give us a good life. because he's working his toosh off. because the university owns his soul.
so, i cannot blame him for being away. i cannot and will not nag him to death. i cannot (but do often) drive him insane with my smothering questions and hugs and kisses and needing attention the aboslute second he walks through the door. (sometimes before he can even get to the door)
i also cannot let the exhausted husband hurt my feelings when he needs to breath. when that breathing needs to be done alone, or on the side of the mountian on a snowmobile.
but its hard.
i feel like we're in survival mode. that i shall rotate in this circle and he shall rotate in that circle. I HATE THIS ROTATION. because his rotation does not totally 100% intertwine with my dumb little circle.
so. back to the song. (i sometimes wish we could drink cheap bottles of wine) tonight i shall be slap happy with fresca (less calories...oh and not agianst WOW) and counting down the seconds to 8 (maybe 7:45 if i can wear her out) until the bean hits the sack, and we can let our circles intertwine for a few hours until we fall asleep and wake up to real life agian.
we're allowed to steal time for ourselves---and pretend that everything else doesn't exist.
i have to remind myself of that occasionally (more than that) otherwise...i go crazy.
3 comments:
I'm sorry :( You need more babysitters coming your way. I swear Bruin even prefers a babysitter to me because she'll sit and play make-believe with him and go along with his requests for 2 solid straight hours!
Hope Tyler doesnt have school for much longer. Life will get much better. BUT, you are growing stronger as a woman with this. That is one thing I know I will be coming away with from these last few years of Phil living out of town, I've learned to find my own strength. Love u!
Court i know how you feel. It is hard sometimes, and I always hear how important it is to go out (alone) with your hubby, but with a cute little one to take care of, im sure it makes it more tricky! Im more than happy to watch Lyn for a couple hours if you need someone. Just remember, your amazing. Youll make it through! By the way, that is by far my favorite song on the radio, I blast it and sing to it and realize how much mine, and a lot of peoples lives are like that right now! Hence, I enjoyed reading your post.. its real.
okay...this described my life completely.
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