i love warmth.

it's true. i do.

but on another note-- ya know how sometimes it's better to keep yo mouth shut. shut very very tightly. because your mama always told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it.

wellp, although i am a believer of this above rule, i do think that at times, the occasion comes wehre one needs to say the things that must be said, for if one doesn't they may just explode with silence.

following?

good. SO, i want to say something. put it out there for all the world to know. but...i am slightly hesitant. for this blog isn't private. and there is a chance (large) that people may read this...and who knows maybe yearssss (notice the multiple S's. years & years) down the road i may regret speaking. but, for now, it will probably just feel dang good.

where's my mother now? (in mexico actually. jealous.)

i have lots o' family. did ya know? of course i have adopted much step/inlaw family to be my own. and they have so nicely and lovingly accepted me as one of them. (even though some of my step cousins used to call me a mudblood. biggest insult ever.)

but, i also have family, that have disowned me. (maybe i've done some disowning myself...) do you know how that feels? to be disowned, or to disown? not that great. i mean no matter how justified you think you may be...it still doesn't feel GOOD. although i does feel relieving at times. (most of it)

moeny can do crazy things to people. have you learned this lesson yet? if not, you will. not even blood can calm the craze money puts into people. BLOOOD. i mean what is more important than that? isn't family supposed to be everything? turns out..to some it is not.

i always thought, and still do, that no matter how mad you are at someone..eventually time heals all wounds and if faced with that person, that time will give you the ability to somehow be cordial. you know, smile, give a slight wave..turns out, for some the hatred never gets less intense. that's sad.

you know what word is like the most powerful word ever? sorry. it can be so healing...so why is so hard to say for some? why hold on to grudges for years and years? what is the point?

i am somehow still convinced that people are mostly good. but it has been crazy to see that i guess most people have a dollar amount. if it's 10k or 100k it's like at some point they sell out. they turn. they hate. they disown.

i'd like to think that those people aren't the majority. (lets hold on to that)

what i'd like to say: it's not worth it. family is the most imprtant thing. at the end of the day, it's all you've got. i'm ready to bury the past when you are. in fact, i have already buried it. oh, and i don't care that your gay. not one bit of me cares at all. not one bit!

alright. that was exhausting. i'm out.